words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Sunday, October 13, 2002
Every day I put my uniform on, I wonder why I chose to in the first place, how I am in this strange world. I chose it, nobody drafted me into this service. But yes, service is the word I saw, too. I saw the military as a great big fence around the country, one that deterred anyone from attacking us, one that would keep us safe just by being there. How noble, how just, how sacrificial. But in some ways, I still aspire to that, to the point of being willing to stand for my country. I have no doubt that as Americans, we have many many freedoms and possibilities others don't. Even still, I don't have a full concept of what other countries are like, though I have visited them. In none of them was it as easy to get what you wanted as it is here. I know I went into the Air Force with naive presumptions, and nobody asked me to consider the price of having to kill someone else. Furthermore, I know that as a communications officer, I will most likely never have anything personal to do with killing someone else. I have lost the sense of honor, but I would still like to serve, would like to think that putting on my uniform somehow helps. Because I put on my uniform, does it mean that I am willing to kill? Does it mean that I support what the Air Force does around the world? Does it mean that I too am arrogant and selfish like my current leadership?
It may not mean any of these things. It may mean that I am simply finishing a committment I made to spend this much time in the military, right or wrong. It may mean that I am in the middle of a decision process to determine my role in life. It may mean that I don't quite know what I can do, or what I should do.
6:04 PM
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