words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002
My ideas, I told Peter, are my babies, and I have long kept them from the dangerous conversations around me, afraid they may be perverted, twisted, changed from how I developed them. Many times, I sit in the middle of a conversation offering little. Not because I don't think I have something meaningful to contribute, but because I am wary of those around me. I can't always focus on what others are saying; most conversations hold little relevancy to my life; or maybe the ideas that swim in my head hold little relevancy in their lives. I've had enough speeches, enough people taking my time to tell me their ideas, mostly in the form of lectures. What preaching can I do that will be any better than what others had to say? I hate people wasting my time, so I refuse to waste other people's time, never sure how to tell when my comment might actually be helpful or welcome. Not willing to risk it, I'll stay quiet. If you really want to hear from me, you can ask. And then I will tell, then I will tell you so many things that I can't believe how much I have just told, letting go of ideas and pasts as if they were meant to be shared, as if I trust you. Maybe I do trust you, when you ask, when I know you are interested. Someone let me know recently that we only act out of fear or love; there is no other choice. I haven't yet concluded over that yet. But when examining my life, I see that so much of what I do is acting out of fear, and so I am leaning towards believing that there are only two choices, and that I far too often choose fear as my guide. Even what I said before, up there, is out of fear, isn't it? Fear that you will trounce on my ideas, that I cannot keep them safe if they are outside of my head, because I have so little control over anything outside of my head.
7:58 PM
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