words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Monday, December 09, 2002
i felt that panic again this morning. that "I'm going to work again" panic where my weekend was so good i forgot who i was, that i'm not really allowed to feel so free and comfortable. Putting my uniform on, i still felt felt half alive, and the two worlds clashed, military and civilian. i forgot to breathe, couldn't quite see out of my eyes, and my stomach cramped. I'm disappointed actually. Although I'm not sure what over. I used to have this problem quite often, once, maybe several times a month back in Sacramento. I'm not sure if I learned to breathe, or if I found a way to reduce my panic. I haven't had many of those mornings at this base. Maybe I just haven't felt very free on the weekends until this past one. Or maybe it was that my friend A. is here in town. Waking up with someone has always been difficult, knowing I have to put that mask on while he is still present. yeah, i'm getting nervous just thinking about it. I thought maybe I had learned how to conquer this paranoia, thought I had grown out of it or stronger than it. No, I will have to wait until I am gone, until I separate from the military. I can't be stronger than this, can't let go of my paranoia because I still have reason to fear.
9:00 AM
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