words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Tuesday, February 11, 2003
The latest book I am reading is Jamie O'Neill's At Swim, Two Boys. His writing and his story have impressed me. He's writing about homosexuality both from a early 1900 perspective and also from a boyhood discovery perspective. He's also writing about Ireland, a country I've never understood, and now feel a bit closer to. It's about class politics, some that remind me of our country now.
The story carries so much weight from my own life though, memories of growing up, not even sure what homosexuality was, only knowing that I didnt' care much for girls and thought I was bad for that. I wanted so badly to want a girl, to actually like a girl, like all the other guys around me. instead, they were close friends, and nothing more. I would get close to a girl, who would eventually want to date me, thus practically ruining our friendship. I always felt guilty even though i never intended anything. Girls would say I led them on when I was just being nice, just being friendly. Why did I have to pay for their intentions? I tried to distance myself from some of them, my only friends, because I kept getting blamed for breaking their hearts. what was I doing besides trying to make friends? I had no understanding of what they wanted from me. and the guys around me? Usually too annoying to pay attention to, too loud, too unfriendly, and too skinny.
this book revisits my boyhood, when I was so confused, and so oblivious.
9:39 AM
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