words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Monday, March 31, 2003
yes, i spoke yesterday, spoke with all the passion i may have ever had in my life, all coming out at one time. how am i able to do this? who have i become, and who will i be? before i speak, i run through ideas of what to say, how to speak anything, and although a few sentences come out, i mostly go through ideas too large to actually speak to. i am nervous, afraid of standing up, afraid of my own voice which i expect to betray me, my own mind, which usually holds such confidence. yet, not for the first time, i stood with the microphone in my hand, speaking not with my usual temerity and all-too quiet voice, but with the confidence and loudness of someone i wasn't aware of, someone within me who is speaking, who is better able to combine words and thoughts into understanding, passion, and energy. if i heard myself, i'm not sure i would believe it, or remember; i wonder if that was really me on the podium yesterday. people kept coming up to talk to me, as if they recognized me from the person at the podium, but i'm not so sure. i want to be that person, want to have that strength and ability, but when i look in the mirror, i have trouble believing it. somehow, it worked, people told me i am getting better and better; people i know and trust have told me i did a good job, people have hugged me out of the blue, warmed me with their support and passion. i'm telling myself this as a reminder that it did happen, that i can't walk on with my life as if it didn't, that i should know I have done a good job.
8:38 PM
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