words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Tuesday, April 08, 2003
I have stretched myself this past week, opened up parts of me that had been closed. i spent time on my mother, hoping the investment would be good for the future, hardly expecting anything now. She surprised me. i love her. maybe i had forgotten that, that she had anything about her that i could love, so harsh have her words been to me lately. but forgive me for not loving her anyway. we talked and talked and talked, and i learned more about her than i thought i could have. she, too, is beautiful, and though not perfect, still has love inside of her. that little part that i can focus on and say, that's what i love, and learn to accept the rest, hoping that she changes, but knowing that I will love her regardless for who she is today. i hope maybe she can do the same for me, that maybe she has been all along and i have judged her too harshly, letting my pain and fear speak instead of my love.
Now I'm home, playing music on my cd player, drinking tea and hearing my rat rustle in her cage behind me. I have one more week off of work, and i am hoping to determine my future, to understand where i should go and what i should do. so much confuses me, on the one hand not wanting to be super-christian boy but hoping i can somehow finesse my life into my own version of religion that more accurately reflects how I understand god and the bible instead of bowing to the centuries of tradition. on the other hand, wondering what my limitations are and what my goals are. knowing yourself may be the most difficult task in life. i haven't written anything while traveling, in my notebooks. so i will write now, write all these thoughts and questions, hopes and pains.
11:40 AM
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