words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Sunday, April 13, 2003
thank you, by the way. for being yourself, for caring for me, for caring for the world in the way i know you do. years and years, i've thought i didn't need anyone, that people were little more than annoying. except for those few lonely saturday afternoons, i proved myself too correct, and ignored much. and when my life grew so heavy that i couldn't carry it any more and wished some big truck would come and take it away, all that life i couldn't carry, i fell into the hands of a few friends, weaker than i ever wanted to admit. in that weakness, i found the strength that i had always heard about, the strength of trust and love. when i couldn't handle a night alone, my friend todd stayed with me. or my friend anthony talked to me while i fell asleep. others have held me up in more distant ways, but i still felt their empathy fill so many empty parts of me. i haven't recovered; that is, i'm still a bit weatherbeaten and weak. and yet, i'm not sure this is weakness because the strength i relied on earlier never satisfied my life. that strength which kept so many people at bay, making enemies of those around me. richard taught me that through his own fear of trust. and see, now, i know who i can turn to, and i know that even strangers can do wonderful things for me. i accept that now, with the excitement that i don't have to hold myself up alone, but that i can receive and ask for help, and that i can help others, knowing that everyone needs help. do i understand what i'm saying? that people matter, maybe for the first time in my life, lots of people matter. my first love, joshua, wrote me such wonderful things recently that i keep reading them, keep thinking about how i have changed since he and i dated, how i wish we were able to see each other again and talk for hours, just to see what has happened to each of us. because i care, still care, and i'm astonished that i would care so much. and then, the man that i've avoided discussing around here because i don't like to kiss and tell, but i have to say that he's begun to occupy parts of me i thought were permanently void. though i don't know our future, i trust that we will share much together. so i am humble in respect of the people in my life that i for too long discounted, even the ones that come and go, and stil leave us better than we were before. i am in awe.
who am i now?
9:31 PM
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