words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Tuesday, April 15, 2003
tomorrow, having had thirty days off from work, i will shave, put my uniform back on, switch my glasses, and drive to illinois. being so close to my hopeful discharge, i hardly know how to go back. now that i have spoken so much, now that i have worked so much in my own mind, improved a great deal in my head. going to work seems like going backwards in time. i hardly know how to shut all this off. maybe i don't have to; maybe i can be myself there at work, discuss peace issues, etc. not that i usually talk much to anyone at work. i don't know. the only way i can do this is to simply do it. the more i wonder and consider what it's going to be like, the more anxious i feel. i have to remember to breathe, i have to remember the time in prayer and solitude i've had this past month, i have to not revert into the person i was. and yet with all those rules and regulations, where do i stand? i don't expect anything much to happen when i walk in tomorrow. they'll probably treat me as well as they have been, and i'll happily hide in the office they've given me. seems like everything has changed within me, though. i have grown, i have solved some of my difficulties, with bitterness, with love, with myself. i have had epiphanies and tears, and just time, seemingly endless time to read, to write, to contemplate all this in my head. all this in my head. i'm so thankful for the time, so glad that i used it well. but wow, going back now. going back now. i hope for patience, to wait out the rest of my time. i hope for peacefulness, the peace that i've had in the past month that has been so amazing to me, so new and incredible. i hope for strength, to stand up when i need to, not to let things cow me like they always have. i hope i am a step closer to being done with this part of my life.
8:33 PM
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