words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Thursday, May 22, 2003
where do i go from here? i have many questions and thoughts and possibilities. i know i haven't talked much about what it feels like to be out of the air force. maybe i don't believe it yet; maybe i'm more concerned with my future than i am with my past. mabye i'd just like to save my reflection for a few months down the road, when all this means more to me anyway. at the moment, i'm happy, but confused. yes, i'm out, i'm free, but free to do what? it's hard to move on when you're not sure in which direction to move. thankfully, i'm nowhere near panicking. i have set myself up well for this, with money, with friends and connections, with plans swimming in my head, but i do at some point have to make a choice, and i can't sit this decision out for too long. nor do i want to. there's enough excitement to it that it consumes much of my thoughts. and nothing yet has slapped me in the face and said, do this. i can't sit around and wait for that to happen, but i'm hoping to have more of an idea than i currently have. in the meantime, i'm working a fun job, reading about Dorothy Day and the Catholic Worker movement, enjoying time with friends, and planning a month of seeing my brother and other friends. that and falling for this wonderful man, which admittedly, governs my thoughts perhaps more than it ought to. but how can i help that?
so, ignoring all the heaviness in my life, biking to work is fantastic. I cross over a large train yard each way, on a long bridge over such industrialism. when the trains are there, some of them hum and click, but they rarely move much. they seem to hover, like large beasts waiting on their masters, or bored bears just hanging out around their caves. they remind me of bjork's selmasongs where she found music in everything, even the clanking of the factory machines. I love watching the traffic go by on the interstate above the bridge, sometimes fast, sometimes far too slow, remembering how wonderful it is that i'm not confined to such lines anymore, that instead, i can cut across the streets in a much more random fashion, taking a left down this street because there aren't any cars, or using the sidewalk to avoid too many cars. what a symbol for my life right now, leaving rigidity behind for the open air of a bicycle, meandering through streets, especially riding home at night, with my flashing light behind me, enjoying the cool air and the dark blue sky, the mostly empty streets, and just, being outside with both a purpose, of getting home, and a freedom to stop along the way, go by this place or that place, not worried about having to get up in the morning or wow, or anything. yes, even with all the aforementioned decisions to be made, i am content.
12:28 AM
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