words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Sunday, July 27, 2003
I've never had an angry argument in my life. i wouldn't know how. my parent's taught me too well not to express my anger. so the only way it ever comes out is when i'm alone. then i fume, walk around, grumble about the object of my anger. i know, not very dramatic.
i would love to though. would love to be able to tell people how i felt about them, to tell them how rude they're being, why i'm angry at them, anything, to express my anger. i'm not angry right now; i just know from experience that even if i do get angry, i won't do a thing about it. in fact, i probably won't even realize i'm angry until a few hours after the appropriate time for a confrontation. i have a delayed anger mechanism; i have to think about all the angles of an argument before i can get angry about it. voices in my head tell me not to worry about things when i'm around others, just ride the moment. i can find good in that, even though i sound pitiful, weak-kneed. it's let me ease situations better than most people i know, but only because i am incapable of becoming angry quickly. it's let me talk to people that i wouldn't talk to in my anger, be civil with them when i should probably shout at them, deal with them when others wouldn't, calm their anger by my peacefulness.
but then, maybe i've never loved anyone enough to actually reveal my anger, as if i'm holding back a beautiful part of my soul, too precious to share with strangers. if i knew i had to live with someone, had to love him or her, had to settle our differences, maybe then i could show my anger. but until then, i'm too modest.
2:46 PM
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