words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Monday, August 04, 2003
how much do you want to belong? how much do you sacrifice of yourself in order to normalize? i can't say it's as dangerous as it sounds. humans are social beings; how else would we form communities without normalizing? Still, there must be a balance, a way to know how much to express yourself and how much to remain dumb about. not having a place of my own at the moment, staying with friends and family, i am spending more time ignoring parts of myself i might otherwise express. of course, as is everybody, i am still finding parts of myself to express, especially after having recently left the air force. so maybe i am a bit more resistant right now to cutting off that expression, since this is the first chance in my life where i don't have parents or the military giving me strict guidelines to follow. i remember the time when i wore the clothes they gave me with satisfaction; i focused my life on other things. i've taken that clothing off, but now i feel unsure; what do i wear when around my parents? what do i wear when I'm around my friends? i want to belong; i want to feel common ground between myself and others, but i don't want to sacrifice. maybe sacrifice is still a necessary part of the equation, like sacrificing the last ding dong for a flat stomach. which is being more true to myself, taking care of my body or letting myself go? i know, i complicate my life, and tie ideas together that probably don't belong in the same category. still, the more i synthesize bits of life together, the more people i find i understand, and therefore the better a person i am. it's just these in between times that feel so odd.
8:04 PM
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