words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Monday, August 25, 2003
I know, this sounds atrocious, people praying over a little boy until he dies. I know, it seems absurd that people would believe that the boy's autism could be demons, that the people would have to pray to God to deliver the boy and cast out the spirits. It is absurd, just as much as trying to relieve your problems by drinking yourself until you puke or using drugs to get out of your daily life. every once in a while, someone dies from the absurdity, a guy in his car hit by a drunk driver, an ecstasy dancer who drinks herself to death. I remember praying over people who were sick, I remember the idea of casting out demons, of people passing out during church services. I grew up in a Pentacostal world, the charismatic movement my family was very much a part of. I'm not sure what to think of it now. I know the great problems the fundamentalist church provides, but I also know the great temptation, that if you follow these rules, everything (everything) will be allright. You can let snakes bite you and you won't die; you can drink unhealthy water and not get sick. Think of it, an answer to all your problems, if you'll just believe. all you're surrendering is the heartache of trying to figure things out for yourself. If everyone's doing it around you, how much easier is it to hope in it?
I'm sure these churchgoers had no intention of killing the little boy. I'm sure some of them honestly believed the boy had demons in him. Maybe he did. if we call the disease of autism by the name of demon, isn't it the same problem? call it religious fantacism or call it semantics, the people just wanted to help the boy. They were misguided, they worked too hard, pressed their hopes on him too much, hoping the extra pressure might actually relieve him. It didn't work this time; they suffocated him in their desire to heal him.
I remember wanting to believe, too, wanting it all to be right, so easily understood. I also remember fearing those who were different, thinking evil of those who didn't agree, feeling like an outsider at school, and sometimes in church where the kids often didn't quite stomach it all but just played along to not stick out. Faith doesn't quite work that way. true faith isn't so easy, isn't so obvious.
I don't know though. the little boy loses his life from their overzealousness. they may just explain it away, say God took the boy back, claim no culpability for his death. It's hard to admit that the faith you have built your life around killed a helpless boy. I dont' know if I want to gather pity and understanding for them or teach them a lesson. I think, instead, I'll learn the lesson for myself. don't take good ideas so far that they kill someone. Pray and hope for the healing of people, but don't try to force the disease out of them; drink, but be careful of how much you consume, aware of what you could do under the influence. Live, but dont' live in such a way that it endangers the lives of others. Claim responsibility for your actions.
11:11 PM
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