words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Sunday, August 17, 2003
we talk so much about freedom in america, but do we have any idea what it is? is freedom a boat to sail into the sea, like captain jack sparrow wants? is freedom the ability to think for oneself, to laugh at whatever pleases, like R.P. MacMurphy in One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest? is freedom the ability to vote and hope that your vote counts, that nobody's cheating or lying? is freedom living in the countryside where there aren't too many lawmakers, where you just live how you choose, not needing much law because there aren't many people?
what keeps us from doing the things we want? is it law, is it morals, is it fear, is it society? would we all end up like Lord of the Flies if left on our own? with all these contradictions and possibilities, i can't seem to see what freedom is at all. sure, it's not having to practice a particular religion, but doesn't our free country try to get us to do that anyway? how can we have freedom of assembly but laws against loitering? i still can't marry the man i love, which seems a pretty basic freedom. ok, so i don't want to fall into bare cynicism about this country. i'm asking something deeper than politics.
I feel the most free when i'm doing something in front of people, that many people would not. like dancing a saturday night or two ago, dancing and laughing and jumping and singing along, with every part of my body, not caring who was or wasn't looking, just stepping with the music, stretching my abilities, feeling like i was cheating gravity and social responsibility. like when I'm biking and singing at the top of my lungs on a city street, exercising my legs, my lungs, and my freedom to yell.
I feel the most caged when I agree to conditions I don't agree with, when I cage myself willingly. nobody has ever caged me as much as myself; and yet, sometimes I feel trapped by others, by their lies, by their insistence that this is the best way, and so i delude myself into believing them, and want to blame them, too. maybe it is their fault, and maybe it's my fault for shrinking in front of them, for diminishing my own power to serve theirs.
then freedom is more mental than anything, and i am bigger than i ever thought I could be. in order to grow to that height, i have to practice this freedom, act and intend, not stumble and lay around. then i will be free.
10:37 PM
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