words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Monday, March 29, 2004
When i graduated from the academy, all i wanted were gay friends. Since i had only two during my last year and didnt' tell them about myself until a few days before graduation, i desperately needed companionship. straight friends wouldn't have been good enough, i needed to see what other gay men were like, to know that i could express parts of myself i didn't know how to yet. i found what i needed with the frontrunners group. it didn't matter whether we connected on an emotional or intellectual level, although i did find a few who met that criteria as well. what i needed was simple companionship where i could learn again who i was.
I need that again, now, for more reasons than i can count. of course, i can't find all of them, academy graduates, long-haired occasional nail polishers, cycling and somewhat obscure music enthusiasts, conscientious objecting ex-military quakers, etc. some i can't even mention here because the weblog is too public. we all have many many parts of us that we don't know how to translate to the world around us. but i've hit another part in my life where i need to find more common ground than i have at the moment. i'm just not sure how to find, and not sure which crazy part of my life to concentrate on. at the moment, i feel like i've living in my third foreign country, and neither i nor the people around me speak the same languages, much less have similar gestures.
Still, I'm about to travel to another place, D.C. if i get the quaker internship, Minneapolis or some other chillier location if i don't. what do i do in the meantime? When people ask me where i from, i stare at them, trying to read in their minds what exactly they mean. Where was i born, where did i recently move from, what did i recently leave, what gives my skin the dark tone, what songs affect me so profoundly i can't listen to them without tearing up? where am i coming from? this is when i have to tell and hear stories to help me shape my experiences, to find perspective and common understanding.
i've never been your average bear, but for the third time in my life, i feel so distant as if i, well, as i mentioned earlier, am an emigre from some country people around me have only heard of.
10:57 PM
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