words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Saturday, May 08, 2004
My mother left today, and I'm glad things went so well. Of course, i avoided saying so many things, and I'm left wondering if that was right. Do I value my friendship with my mother so much that I should keep quiet at every instance? How many times did I hold my tongue when she brought up politics, how much she acts like her own insensitive mother, that I help out with a gay and lesbian news website? With anyone else, i would have been ashamed of myself for keeping so quiet. With my mother, i know it would have made her trip so difficult for the both of us . . . was it worth it?
As i said, last year, i brought up the difficult issues for the first time in my life - yes, seriously, the first time in my life. we don't talk about difficult issues. my mother still has not dealt with the deaths of her sister and brother over twenty years ago. we leave those things behind and pretend we don't have to talk to them. Well, they do. I don't do that so much, but around them, yeah, I do. if i do, my mother stops talking to me. When i told her i had an article in the local newspaper about being gay in the military, she said she wouldn't read it and was quiet for about ten minutes.
if I were braver, would i bring these things up all the time? Or am I being smart and compassionate? Am I sacrificing myself in a good way, for the benefit of our friendship? Or am I just bowing to her power over me?
I don't know. I'm glad she came up here, and I want to keep seeing her, even if it's tough, even if I don't know how to behave. but I just don't know what's right.
8:01 PM
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