words, words, words
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If I begin to detail myself here, will you understand?
P. I am me
Q. I don't always know exactly who that is
R. I am Quaker
S. I like words and playing with them
T. I like genmaicha tea
U. I like the word napkin more than most others
V. I spend time walking my neighborhood
W. I cook rice often
X. I sleep well most every night
Y. I eat large amounts of fruit and vegetables
Z. I munch, sleep, write, create, cook, bike, watch, walk, listen, hope, learn, drink, live, breathe, touch, know, question, taste, copy, read, stare, carry, talk, dance, finger, try.
raisin@gmail.com
albums:
Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
Erasure: I Say, I Say, I Say
Depeche Mode: Black Celebration
The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
Marvin Gaye: What's Going On?
David Bowie: Hunky Dory
George Michael: Listen without Prejudice
George Gershwin: Porgy and Bess
Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
songs:
Wild is the Wind: Nina Simone
Come Undone: Duran Duran
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: Rachmaninov
My Funny Valentine: Chet Baker
Feeling Yourself Disintegrate: The Flaming Lips
This Must Be the Place: The Talking Heads
Hyperballad: Bjork
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
The doctor confirmed I had broken my leg the day after the game. I was happy. I got to wear a big robo-boot around my leg, and I didn't have to play football. Sure, I still went to the practices and the games, but I just stood on the sidelines, patiently waiting for them to end. My leg didn't hurt but a few times, and mostly, I enjoyed the break. I did heal though, before the end of the season, and had to put on pads again, but i was still weak, and unwilling to push myself to get back into shape. The differing advice I received seemed biased - those who cared more about football urged me to ignore the pain and get back into the game; those who cared about long-term health urged me to be careful and let my leg heal. I was pretty much just concerned with not playing in another game, and being naturally careful, I didn't push it. My coaches yelled at me a few times; I stared at them blankly. I just wasn't going to try hard any more. I was actually disappointed my leg had healed so quickly. i would have loved to have never had to put on the pads again.
The season ended up well. We won state, for the first time in eleven years. A few people asked me if I was upset I didn't get to be in the last game, and i just shrugged. I was known for being quiet, and it always helped me get away with just a shrug. After the state championship game (and a million pre-pre-pre-dinners), I was the first guy back in the locker room, taking off my pads. I couldn't help but have a huge smile on my face, which didn't matter anyway - everyone else was happy, too, though mostly because we had just won state. I actually missed a team picture on the field that's in the yearbook, and I'm still laughing about it. I just couldn't wait to take the pads off. I knew it was over. I promised myself, i would never play again. It didn't matter what I had to do to, not in college, not ever.
After the obnoxious ceremonies and congratulatory dinners, the state championship hats, the championship rings, I had the best semester of my life. I was on the track team in the spring, one of the captains of the team, throwing shotput, even sprinting a bit, to keep myself in shape for the Air Force Academy, hoping I would get in at least. I had to shed some weight - I had gained up to 220 pounds for the football season and wanted to slim back down to 200. Everything was golden. I was a senior, well-respected, still at the top of my class with a few others, and happy. Happy like I hadn't been since eighth grade when I thought i would never play football again. But this time, I knew it was true. I finally had enough spirit in me to say no.
Of course, my dad didn't stop trying. He still wanted me to play at the Air Force Academy. He still insisted that I needed to, that I couldn't get in without it. I told myself if I wasn't good enough on my almost perfect record and high ACT scores, i couldn't get it, and I would take my full ride at Oklahoma Univ. My brother was there, and I could live with him. Nothing would make me play again. Nothing I could see at least.
10:26 AM
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